Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
