i permit you to call me
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
