yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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