I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
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Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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