Moan for me like Helen Keller
Four minutes until I can fart!
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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