Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
