just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
