He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
