I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
