We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
