Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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