She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
