Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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