TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
