I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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