I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
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