i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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