there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
