Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
