Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
