You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
