I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
