So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
