Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
is it fun? or sober?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
