my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
