hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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