I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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