There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
