Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
