isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
