I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
