You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
