i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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