i just google imaged poop.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
