last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
