i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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