We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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