I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize
