If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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