you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
