What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
