Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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