I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
