I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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