Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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