oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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