once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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