I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
