that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
