i don't plan on having that self control this summer
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
