I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
