did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
