Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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