Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
