babies were throwing up all over the place
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
