So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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