Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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