yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My dick has a subreddit
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
