My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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