escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
