I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss vodka workout Fridays
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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