I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
