trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
