Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
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I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
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This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts