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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex

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• (765): View more from Indiana

  Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?

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  The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral

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• (786): View more from Florida

  I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.

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• (845): View more from New York

  i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.

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• (318): View more from Louisiana

  He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.

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  If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things

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• (407): View more from Florida

  A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?

  (1-541): View more from Oregon

  I was just power-washing my vagina.

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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that

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