ADVERTISEMENT

• (512): View more from Texas

  just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?

  (1-512): View more from Texas

  pretty standard. you have fun last night?

  (512): View more from Texas

  apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?

  (1-512): View more from Texas

  typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.

  Fav 8 1859 887

  share tweet
  

• (714): View more from California

  found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.

  Fav 42 1314 15218

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (714): View more from California

  why do cheetos always look like penises

  Fav 41 3951 1624

  share tweet
  

• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"

  Fav 14 6498 1378

  share tweet
  
• 

  Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (913): View more from Kansas

  the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me

  Fav 17 4543 1589

  share tweet
  

• (732): View more from New Jersey

  It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club

  Fav 14 6282 1312

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (415): View more from California

  I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.

  Fav 13 1028 1904

  share tweet
  

• (435): View more from Utah

  If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.

  Fav 11 2437 1094

  share tweet
  

• (720): View more from Colorado

  This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up

  Fav 1 507 685

  share tweet
  
• 

  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Also I found and fixed my beer gun.

  Fav 2 737 454

  share tweet
  

• (843): View more from South Carolina

  I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.

  Fav 1 568 769

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.

  Fav 3 1556 652

  share tweet
  

• (734): View more from Michigan

  My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal

  Fav 0 624 470

  share tweet
  

• (630): View more from Illinois

  Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him

  Fav 0 543 514

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (857): View more from Massachusetts

  Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????

  Fav 2 142 83

  share tweet
  

Randomize