I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
