Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
