I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
